The average person will meet roughly 80,000 people in their lifetime. To most of us, that is an almost unfathomable number. When we take a moment to think about how many people we will cross paths with, it becomes obvious that some will stay and others will not. Some may remain in our lives for days, months or years, while others may only be present for a few seconds. Still, even a brief moment of warmth from one of those 80,000 people can stay with us for decades – a memory we return to when nostalgia settles in.
Sometimes, we form special attachments to a small number of these people. These attachments may be romantic, platonic or simply based on familiarity and comfort. Romantic relationships, for example, can take us through a wide range of emotions before we eventually reach a sense of peace and contentment. Some days will be harder than others. Some may feel boring, while others may feel repetitive. The beautiful thing about these relationships is the mutual understanding between two people. You trust each other with your hearts. You give someone the ability to turn your world upside down, while trusting them to keep it upright. You give them the freedom to be their own person, while trusting them to remain loyal and committed. In many ways, you are saying: “Here, take my heart and keep it safe”. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they do not. And when they do not, that can become the moment you begin to recognise your own worth.
Unfortunately, heartbreak, betrayal and distrust are all part of life. The important thing to remember is that these experiences do not define you, nor do they become your entire story. You are more than one painful experience that changed the way you trust people. You are more than your tears. We are all shaped by what we go through, both good and bad. But one difficult experience cannot erase all the years you have spent pouring into yourself, enriching your life and being a good person to the people around you. You may not have deserved the pain or betrayal, but that says nothing about your character. If anything, it says more about the person who chose to put you through it.
As decent human beings, we often assume that our partner, friend or family member already knows what we want from the relationship. Sometimes our expectations are not met, and we are left feeling disappointed. When that happens, communication becomes important. We have to express our needs, explain what has hurt us and give the other person the opportunity to respond. A partner who is willing to listen, reflect and better themselves – not only for you and the relationship, but for themselves – is someone who can help you feel secure. A partner who refuses to acknowledge their mistakes and makes you feel irrational for being hurt may care more about protecting their ego than protecting the relationship. In relationships, ego can become destructive. When someone cannot hold themselves accountable for their actions, resentment can build quickly. Being right starts to matter more than understanding one another, and the relationship begins to suffer. No relationship can work if one person is expected to ignore their feelings just to keep the peace.
So, if you relate to this kind of pain, perhaps you were not asking for too much. Perhaps you were simply looking in the wrong place. You may have been asking for reassurance from someone unwilling to give it. You may have been asking for accountability from someone who refused to reflect. You may have been asking for emotional safety from someone who repeatedly made you question yourself. That does not automatically mean your needs were unreasonable. It may simply mean that the person you were asking was unable or unwilling to meet them. At that point, the focus has to return to you.
Pour into yourself. Prioritise your wellbeing. Build a life that feels full and meaningful outside of the relationship. In some cases, the most beautiful relationships appear when we least expect them. Perhaps it was never meant to be the person who dismissed your pain or broke your heart. Instead of constantly searching for love, allow yourself to live fully and remain open to it. The right person may be in your city. They may be across the country or on the other side of the world. Do not forget, the average person meets around 80,000 people in their lifetime. How many people are you still yet to meet?